Reyes Given Eleventh Hour Reprieve as Reliever

As spring training draws to a close, one of the more interesting roster decisions to come out of Camp Cardinal involves pitchers Anthony Reyes and Brad Thompson.

This is nothing new for Reyes, who should be accustomed to being treated as a human yo-yo for the purposes of placating the inner child of manager Tony La Russa. Reyes has spent much of past few seasons bobbing up and down from St. Louis to AAA Memphis.

It appeared that despite a relatively strong spring a and a lack of healthy starting arms, Reyes was headed back to the minors. However, not too long after those reports surfaced, it was announced that Reyes had in fact made the team as a reliever, and Brad Thompson had won the job as the Cardinals fifth starter to begin the 2008 campaign.

Reyes and Thompson did have comparable numbers. Reyes posted 2-1 record with 3.32 ERA in 19 innings with a 13 strikeouts against only three walks. Thompson did slightly better, going 2-0 with a 2.76 ERA in 16-1/3 innings with a team-high 14 strikeouts versus four walks.

Even so, this still seems backward. The guy that has spent his whole career as a starter (Reyes) is the reliever, and the guy that has spent the vast majority of his time in the majors as a reliever is the starter (Thompson).

Then again, our “lead-off” hitter does bat ninth, so maybe it makes perfect sense.

Pearl Before Swine…Sounds About Right

As the 2008 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament swings into high gear this weekend, University of Illinois fans find themselves in an unfamiliar and rather unpleasant situation.

For the past eight years, those of us without real lives have quite enjoyed taking that Thursday or Friday off work to sit at home or in the company of friends (only those that own HDTV’s) and watch our beloved Fighting Illini in their first round match up.

This year, much to my chagrin anyway, that is obviously not going to be the case. While Illinois made a valiant run to the finals of the Big Ten tournament, the Illini were rudely and thoroughly reminded of just how inferior they really were this season by a solid – albeit incredibly boring – Wisconsin group led by the perennial Big Ten coach of the year, Count Dracula.

So it would appear that Illinois fans have nothing to root for this time around. On the bright side though, there is plenty to root against. Sometimes, that can be just as fun (if not more).

Enter Bruce Pearl, the slimy, scumbag of a coach for the Tennessee Volunteers. Back in 1989, Pearl decided that a mini tape recorder, scissors, and Scotch tape would prove invaluable as recruiting tools in an effort to land Chicago Simeon star and McDonald’s All-American, Deon Thomas.

As Usual, Elway Saves the Best for Last

Originally published in the Daily Union (Shelbyville, IL) on February 2, 1999:

With as many pigskin prognosticators picking the Falcons in last Sunday’s Super Bowl as there were, one might have had the impression that they were the defending champions.

That’s just par for the course for the Denver Broncos, whose resounding losses during the franchise’s first four trips to the Super Bowl sadly earned them more disrespect than anything else.

Last year, most predicted the ever-glorious Packers, led by Brett Favrvrvrvre, would mop the field with John Elway’s head.

This year, the Falcons were supposed to hang in there ’til the final moments, with a chance to steal away a victory at the end.

Instead, Elway made the famed “Dirty Birds” look more like the “Diseased Pigeons”.

Nagin Voted Most Vagina Friendly, Craig Nabs Similar Award Among Penises

While welcoming Eve Ensler, author of the famous “Vagina Monologues” play, at a news conference to promote the upcoming “V-Day” celebration in New Orleans, the city’s mayor Ray Nagin proudly proclaimed himself to be a “vagina-friendly mayor”.

“I am in,” said Nagin about vaginas at the event. “When it comes to vaginas, that is. I am definitely in.”

Mayor Ray Nagin eats a piece of pie – AP File Photo

As it turns out, even Mayor Nagin did not realize just exactly how far in he really was. That’s because recently Nagin was bestowed the honor of America’s “Most Vagina-Friendly Politician” of 2007 by a organization known as the Voices of the United League of Vaginas of America, or V.U.L.V.A., which hands out the award each year to the most vagina-friendly politician based on a variety of factors.

Kermit the Frog Endorses Obama for President

Following the lead of a long list of celebrity actors, musicians, and TV personalities that includes media mogul Oprah Winfrey and Academy-Award wining actor Robert De Niro, Kermit the Frog officially announced his endorsement of Democratic presidential candidate Barrack Obama today.

“For the most part, I feel that he is the right man for the job,” said Frog via telephone interview from his home in Malibu. “He represents the hope and the change that I think many people feel is long overdue. His strong showing in this campaign is indicative of that.”

For his part, Frog is no stranger to change, although it has not always been good. A mysterious and sudden voice change in the 1992 movie “The Muppet Christmas Carol” nearly derailed a prominent career.

However, Frog did candidly admit that a small part of his endorsement of the senator from Illinois was rooted in an ulterior motive.

Rasmus Hits Second HR, Bobby Bonilla on the Mend

Colby Rasmus, the premiere outfield prospect for your St. Louis Cardinals, has already hit his second home run (in only 13 at bats) of the spring today in an exhibition game against the Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles (I figure some of the geographical confusion has spilled over from Anaheim).

And somewhere in a location far, far away from sunny Roger Dean Stadium, as if by some weird coincidence that you only read about in a Time Life book collection, perhaps Bobby Bonilla has twisted an ankle.

This gets me wondering. If Rasmus hits like 10 home runs this spring, which broken down old geezer will have to get hurt for him to get a spot?