As the old saying goes, “You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family.”

Thankfully though, something else you can pick are NFL games. This week, we at Grubb Hub were invited along with other local St. Louis celebrities that have no doubt been on national television at one time or another to take part in the Charter Football Contest.

We thought it would be fun to put our unlimited NFL knowledge and wisdom to test. After all, we were the ones that predicted that Josh McDingleberry would run the Denver Broncos into the ground after trading Jay Cutler to the Bears for no good reason. And look how right we were there!

Actually, the jury is still out on that one. You can do all the fist-pumping you want Josh, it’s still only six wins. Save your fist-pumping for when you win something that matters.

Anyway, feel free to enter the contest yourself and join all the local celebrities at the Fox & the Hound in Chesterfield Sunday, Nov. 8, from noon to 4:00pm. Your picks might even turn out to be smarter than ours! (Not likely)

So without further hors d’oeuvres here’s Grubb Hub’s NFL Week 9 Picks:

Washington at Atlanta

For a guy that thought he could simply buy a championship, Redskins owner Daniel Snyder picked the wrong sport. Sorry Daniel, that’s Major League Baseball that hands out its titles to the highest bidder. In the NFL, you have to win with the guys you draft, and the guys you draft suck. You might also want to try not changing your coach every year. He’s not the problem. The guy that hired him is.

Falcons 27, Redskins 10

Baltimore at Cincinnati

If not for a lucky, one-in-a-million, BS tipped pass in Week 1, the Bengals would be 6-1, and flaming cars would be getting overturned in downtown Denver right about now. Cincinnati has experienced a resurgence, thanks primarily to the newly found health of quarterback Carson Palmer, and the newly found desire of running back Cedric Benson. This week, the Bengals move to 7-1…I mean 6-2.

Bengals 34, Ravens 31

Houston at Indianapolis

The Colts are undefeated. Gary Kubiak’s Houston squad has been better than advertised. But only an idiot (or a clairvoyant) would go against Peyton Manning and Co.

Colts 34, Houston 20

Kansas City at Jacksonville

A match up of two pretty terrible teams. However, Jacksonville is clearly less terrible, and also at home. The 30,000 or so Jaguars fans with nothing better to do on a sunny Florida afternoon should will them to victory.

Jaguars 20, Chiefs 10

Miami at New England

We at Grubb Hub like quarterback Chad Henne. He’s big, got a strong arm, throws a good deep ball. You know, all the things Josh McDaniels hates. Even though he’s been statistically up and down, the Dolphins offense has exploded since he’s taken the reigns. Could it be because defenses have to loosen up on Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams now that Miami has discovered the forward pass? And so, in summation, New England wins.

Patriots 24, Dolphins 19

Green Bay at Tampa Bay

Back in the day, the Battle of the Bays used to be a biannual rite of passage…that no one ever saw. Unless of course, you happened to be a part of the CBS’s worst broadcast team in the 1980’s and early 90’s. At 0-7, the Buccaneers proudly carry on that tradition of ineptitude. Unfortunately, Green Bay does not.

Packers 28, Buccaneers 14

Arizona at Chicago

Jay Cutler carves up the Cardinals and their 20th-ranked pass defense. He does it by throwing something other than a wide receiver screen. The Bears will get their fifth win, but head coach Lovie Smith will resist the temptation to do the quadruple fist pump like a lunatic because he knows it’s only five wins.

Bears 28, Cardinals 24

Lock of the Week: Pittsburgh at Denver

Denver scores twice on tipped Kyle Orton passes that fall magically into the hands of Bronco receivers for touchdowns. Eddie Royal returns both a punt and a kickoff for a touchdown. Josh McDaniels strains his bicep from over-fist pumping. Actually, Denver is playing a quality Pittsburgh team. So as long as every break in the world does not go its way, Denver will lose, and its offense will look extremely boring in doing so.

Steelers 24, Broncos 10

The Best of the Rest of Week 9:

Cowboys 31, Eagles 27
Saints 38, Panthers 13
Seahawks 24, Lions 14
Titans 21, 49ers 17
Giants 27, Chargers 24

Cardinal fans, your season is over, and your team was swept like dust bunnies from the garage. It may be too late for the World Series, but it’s not too late to vote for Brendan Ryan as The 2009 Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year.

Voting ends Tuesday, which means there’s only three days left. So get out and vote for the man whose dedication to the mustache has meant so much to the cause. And just between you and me, Ryan has a pretty good chance of winning this thing. But if he doesn’t it will only be your fault for not voting, you heartless bastard.

Sure, it’s not as important as P. Diddy’s “Vote or Die.” But it’s also not as moronic and annoying. So just get over to that mustache web site and vote already!

And remember, a vote for Brendan Ryan is a vote for change.

Gotcha! We all know that’s a bunch of malarkey. Nothing’s going to change. I was just testing you.

Today at Grubb Hub, we bring you a very special treat: A well-written article by someone else. However, its theme should be pleasantly familiar to the 2.5 loyal readers of this blog.

The article is entitled, “The Smartest Man in Baseball Is an Idiot.” It’s about – yep, you guessed it – Tony La Russa. Seriously, what gave it away?

It’s written by Charles P. Pierce of Esquire Magazine, and it points out many of the same things about La Russa that I’ve been yelling at my family members for years.

However, you’re also sure to learn something about everyone’s favorite genius that you didn’t know before. After reading it myself, I can’t help but wonder…what happened to the ballet school shirt?

As the Cardinals get ready to face a potential sweep at the hands of Los Angeles Dodgers, Cardinal fans as usual are distracted by the symptoms of the disease rather than the cause.

What’s the matter with Ryan Franklin?
How could Matt Holliday drop that ball?
Why can’t we score any stinking runs?

As usual, none of the criticism has been directed toward Cardinals manager Tony La Russa.  In fact, aside from the “The Kevin Slaten Show” aired weekdays at 2 p.m. on KSLG 1380 AM in St. Louis (which we highly recommend by the way), Grubb Hub is one of the few media outlets that actually puts Tony La Russa’s feet to the fire.

I can’t believe I just referred to my crappy blog as a “media outlet”. Maybe Buzz Bissinger was right.

Anyway, it’s not that Tony La Russa has done anything particularly wrong or bad in the first two games against the Dodgers. He hasn’t. So far, he’s been nice and normal.

The real issue is everything that La Russa did wrong in the 162 games leading up to the postseason.

For starters, why were the Cardinals first two games of the NLDS played in Los Angeles? Oh that’s right, because they didn’t get any type of home field advantage.

How could that be La Russa’s fault? That’s not fair, you might say.

Is it really? How many games did the Cardinals throw away this season playing turds like…Chris Duncan, for example?

Here’s a guy that couldn’t last two weeks at AAA Pawtucket. And yet he spent much of the first half starting in the St. Louis Cardinals outfield. In fact, you and I both know he might be starting in the playoff game today if John Mozeliak hadn’t stepped in and stopped this running joke.

And then there’s Rick Ankiel. You know it’s eating at La Russa’s heart like a thousand starving dogs that he can’t put this guy in the lineup today.  But how many games did Ryan Ludwick have to sit so the .230-hitting strikeout machine could play?

Ludwick still finished with 97 RBIs by the way, in only 139 games played (486 at bats). This was partly due to a stint on the disabled list, and partly because Tony La Russa was never short of excuses for benching him in favor of Ankiel and Duncan.

Let’s not forget about the Should Have Been Rookie of the Year Colby Rasmus.  La Russa gave away plenty of Rasmus’s at bats to his two adopted sons.

And how many games did La Russa give away throwing Todd Wellemeyer out on the mound, when anyone could see that he had nothing left. La Russa was quoted as saying that, “There was no one in the organization that gave them a better chance to win.”

Really? No one in the whole organization could do better than a 5.89 ERA? What about Mitchell Boggs? His ERA was 4.19. What about Blake Hawksworth? His ERA was 2.02.

I’m no math major, but I believe Boggs 4.19 ERA is “better” than Wellemeyer’s 5.89.

Then there’s Joe Thurston.  Did he really go hitless since April, or did it just seem that way? And yet, the guy somehow managed to get 267 at bats this year. And played pretty much every day at third base until mid-July, when Mark DeRosa came back from injury.

Which brings me to my second point: This is La Russa’s team. Not just by way of his job description, but this is the team he wanted.

La Russa clearly did not want to give the organizations top prospect Brett Wallace a shot at third base, no matter how terrible Joe Thurston was. He wanted Mark DeRosa, so Cards management went out and got him.

La Russa had been dreaming about Matt Holliday for almost two years, saying they needed a slugger to protect Albert Pujols (apparently the Silver Slugger Ludwick IS chopped liver). So the Cardinals got him.

And La Russa and Dave Duncan didn’t want any part of developing young closer candidates Chris Perez and Jason Motte. He was more than happy to put his faith (and a multi-year contract) in 36 year-old Ryan Franklin, who himself had never been a closer at the big league level either.

Which is why Tony La Russa has the cushiest job in all of professional sports:  No matter what happens, it’s never Tony’s fault.

He’s gotten nearly everything he’s asked for from management:  Holliday, DeRosa, John Smoltz, and a nice geezer closer in Franklin. He’s gotten rid of Wallace, Perez, and pitching prospect Clayton Mortenson.

Not to mention he already had two Cy Young award candidates, Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright, and the best player in baseball at his disposal.  How many great players does this guy need to win?

If management hadn’t went out and made all those moves, they would have been soundly criticized. If the Cardinals players don’t perform this postseason, they too will be soundly criticized.

But La Russa always finds a way to escape criticism from the local St. Louis media and many fans. Despite the fact that in 14 years, with all the great teams, all the great players, all the playoff appearances, the Cardinals have one World Series win to show for it. And we were damn lucky to have that.

My question to you, Cardinal fans, is will you criticize La Russa if – despite getting everything he wanted – the Cardinals still flame out before reaching the World Series, as they are oft to do during Tony’s tenure?

If the Cardinals don’t make it to the World Series, and Holliday is not resigned, then this summer’s blockbuster trade will be a total waste.  Because the Cardinals could have won this mediocre division without trading away their best prospects, if only they had a manager that was smart enough not to play dead weight like Chris Duncan, Joe Thurston, Rick Ankiel, Todd Wellemeyer, and so on and so forth.

The good news is that with all the moves the Cardinals have made this summer, La Russa has no excuse for not winning the World Series. The bad news is that this is one of the few “media outlets” where you’ll actually hear that.

Today should have been Juice’s Last Stand.

No, I’m not talking about the latest fledgling fruit drink franchise to be crushed by the heartless corporate shell Orange Julius. I mean Juice Williams, the embattled senior quarterback for the Fighting Illini football team.  Juice has been the poster boy for an Illini season that started so promising, and now conjures up what Illini fans hoped were long-forgotten nightmares of Tepper and Turner.

Illinois head coach Ron Zook made the call early this week:  Junior backup Eddie McGee would make his first career start under center, against the Michigan State Spartans and their evil, racist mascot Sparty.

This was the wrong call for a number of reasons.  First of all, Illinois finally gets to play a mediocre opponent at home.  Sure, the Illini and Juice have looked terrible in their three losses.  But for a moment, consider the opponents:  Missouri, Ohio State, and Penn State.  All three of those teams are currently ranked.  Ohio State and Penn State are both in the top 15. Only one of those games – last week’s 35-17 disappointment against the Nittany Lions – has been in the somewhat friendly, renovated confines of Memorial Stadium.

Michigan State came into today’s game sporting a less-than-stellar record of 2-3, with one of those victories coming against woeful Montana State.

Illinois came in at 1-3, but this was easily the most winnable game they’ve played so far outside of Illinois State. And what does the Zooker decide to do? He lets a kid make his first start ever at quarterback, rarely a recipe for success.

We at Grubb Hub have long been defenders of Juice Williams, probably to a fault. We have felt that he suffers from what we call “Dee Brown Syndrome”. In laymen’s terms, this is a psychological condition that afflicts many Illini fans when their men’s basketball or football team actually lands a highly sought after, nationally prominent recruit.

Much like Dee Brown before him, no matter what Juice Williams does, it’s never good enough.  For example, Juice took over a program in shambles and helped (along with Rashard Mendenhall) lead the Illini to their first Rose Bowl since 1984. He’s the school’s all-time leader in total offense.

You don’t get to be the all-time leader in anything unless you’ve had a few good games here and there, and Juice has had his share of monsters.

But Juice, despite a rocket arm and powerful legs, certainly has his flaws. He’s not the most precise passer. He too often misses wide open receivers.  Of course, he has not gotten a lot of help this season. The Illini offense – supposed to be one of the more explosive in the country – cannot seem to do anything right.

The only fun thing about watching Illinois this season is, when they actually gain more than ten yards on a play, you get a chance to guess what the penalty was.

So in steps Eddie McGee. The Juice-haters finally got their wish. And what a big difference it made, didn’t it?

Illinois was trailing 17-0 in the third quarter when McGee finally threw a touchdown pass. Unfortunately, it was to Spartan cornerback Danny Fortener.

Just as we at Grubb Hub suspected, the Illini’s problems run far deeper than at quarterback.

Then, in a true reversal of roles, Juice came into relieve a beleaguered McGee, and the Illini outscored Michigan State 14-0 the rest of the way.

That’s why this game should have been Juice’s Last Stand.  Zook should have let him have this one, final chance to prove that he could keep things competitive against a team like Michigan State, a mediocre opponent, playing at home.

If the result had been the same as was against Penn State or Missouri, then go ahead and bench Juice and play McGee or whoever the rest of the season because it doesn’t matter.

The worst part is, we’ll never know for certain if the Illini got whipped today because they are just that terrible, or because McGee was like many quarterbacks making their first career start – shaky. Certainly, Juice could have done better than 2-for-11 for 31 yards and an interception. Oh right, he did in the second half.

A win against the Spartans today would have improved the Illini’s record to 2-3. The schedule lightens up considerably, with games upcoming against beatable opponents in Indiana, Purdue, and Northwestern. It only takes six wins to be bowl eligible. You do the math. The season was not over. Now it is.

Yes, the 2009 Major League Baseball All-Star Game and the surrounding festivities in St. Louis were a grand time enjoyed by all. Unless you happened to shell out $170 for a home run derby ticket in right field thinking you would have a chance at catching a ball…D’oh!

One exception might have been Albert Pujols, the poster boy for this year’s event. In the home run derby, Phat Albert needed some fan interference just to make it out of the first round. In the actual game, Albert went hitless and also made a very un-Albert like error at first base.

Then there was Stan Musial, who did get his moment in the national spotlight. And I do mean moment; the Musial “tribute” could not have been one millisecond longer. Anyone watching outside of Cardinal Nation would have learned virtually nothing about Musial, except that apparently he was some sort of really good player from the olden days that didn’t play for the Red Sox, Yankees, or some other big market coastal team, so who cares right?

Musial’s tribute was apparently cut short because Barack Obama was “in da hizzouse”, as the kids like to say. Yes, Barack Obama! Who gives a flying rat turd about Stan Musial? Barack Obama is here!

Oh, infallible leader-god, wilt thou grace us with thine presence? Thou wilt? Hazzah!!

Making the visit all the more awesome, B.O. wore his White Sox jacket because, as we learned during the television broadcast, “his wife thinks he looks cute in it.”

That’s great. I’m glad I learned that important nugget of information. It will serve me well when I’m unemployed and standing in line on the sidewalk waiting for my swine flu vaccine.

But among the many winners that arose from the 2009 All-Star game – not the least of which was the city of St. Louis – perhaps the biggest loser was the National League. The Senior Circuit lost for the 16th time in a row, which means that once again the home field advantage in the World Series will go to the American League.

Few things are more annoying in the game of baseball than this stupid rule, allegedly invented to revitalize interest (i.e. TV ratings) in the Midsummer Classic.

Seriously, are you telling me that there is really some dope out there that was not going to watch the All-Star game, but now they are because it decides the location of the seventh game of the World Series? Does that thought process really go through anyone’s mind as they are flipping around the dial? Give me a break.

First of all, in the current era of “haves” and “have nots”, many fans of teams that play outside major markets like New York, Boston, Chicago, and Los Angeles know they have basically no shot at the World Series almost every year. So why would they tune in to see whether or not the American League can secure a potential seventh game at home in the World Series?

In fact, if I was a player from, say, the Kansas City Royals, I would intentionally do whatever I could to throw the All-Star game. Most likely I would be screwing things up later in the season for the New York Yankees or Boston Red Sox, which would be fine by me.
Back in the day, the All-Star game used to be a much bigger event because of the following reasons:

1. Every stinking game was not televised on cable and replayed three times. There was no SportsCenter. For many baseball fans, the All-Star game was their only chance (other than World Series) to see some of the great players in the other league.
2. There was no interleague play. Again, other than the World Series, this was the only chance to see the NL go head-to-head with the AL.
3. Players used to actually care. They didn’t need some stupid gimmick as incentive to win the game. Before free agency, most players stayed on the same team their whole careers, and thus in the same league.

Most of the NL players didn’t know the AL players from Adam and vice versa. When you don’t know someone personally, it’s easier to see them as “the enemy” and want to beat them.

There was pride in your team, and pride in your league. Nowadays there is only pride on how much money you’re making. Players could give a fig about representing their league. It’s all lip service, and this idiotic rule doesn’t change any of that.

On this subject, is the All-Star game supposed to be a real game “that counts” or just an exhibition game? On this issue, baseball once again accomplishes the task of being either outrageously contradictory or just plain dumb.

If you believe the “this time it counts” mantra, then it’s supposed to be real game, right?

Well, if that’s the case, why then have the rosters been expanded to what seems like 92 players because of the requirement that every team be represented? And why then are the respective managers pressured to get every player in the game?

(Unless, of course, you’re Tony La Russa and you’re saving the greatest hitter of all time and your own player, Albert Pujols, for some mystical extra-inning rally that never comes.)

So, let’s see if I understand this: The Pittburgh Pirates must have one of their crappy players on the NL’s All-Star roster, and this player must also get in the game at some point.

But then the NL loses home field advantage in the World Series because of this. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

You can’t have it both ways. You can’t say, “This one counts for potentially the most important game of the season,” and then say, “Oh, but by the way, it’s the freaking Bozo Show. Everybody has to play, even the guys from loser teams that aren’t really All-Stars.”

Either the game counts for something, and you do everything to win, or it doesn’t. If not, it’s an exhibition game, and then everyone can play. Everybody’s a winner. Like the Bozo Show.

Of course, I didn’t like the way it was before “this time it counts” either. The arbitrary, alternate year flip-flopping of home field advantage in the World Series was almost as bad.

And please, don’t tell me home field advantage isn’t important, that it doesn’t matter.

Ask any player, would you rather play Game 7 in your home park, with your home fans cheering you on in familiar surroundings, or go on the road. Which do you think he’ll pick? That’s right.

I’m old enough to remember the Cardinals losing the 1987 World Series to the Minnesota Twins because they had to play four games in that stupid cracker jack box called the Metrodome, which also sported a white ceiling (brilliant) making tracking routine fly balls an adventure, and a ventilation system that was used to aid the Twins while batting.

This despite the fact that the Cardinals had 10 more regular season wins (95) than the Twins (85) that year. The home team won every game in the 1987 World Series. Give the Cardinals four games at home, like they should have had, and chances are the outcome would have been different.

Which begs the question: Why does it seem like baseball cannot do the most common sense thing that every other major professional sport in America does?

Why can’t home-field advantage throughout the postseason, including the World Series, be decided by who had the better regular season? That’s currently the way it is right now, until you get to the World Series, and then all of a sudden it’s decided by an All-Star game played three months ago. Huh?!?

Sure, it sounds like a radical concept, heightening the importance of your regular season, that is. Especially when everything baseball has done over the past 15 years (extra divisions, wild card teams, extra playoff tiers) has eroded the importance of the regular season.

That used to be one of the things that made baseball unique, even special. The regular season actually meant something. In fact, it meant everything.

It wasn’t like the NHL or the NBA, where one-half to three-quarters of the league made the playoffs.

Why can’t we let the games that already count for something, go ahead and count for home field advantage in the World Series too? Leave the All-Star game an exhibition, which is what it will be no matter how many gimmicks you try to attach to it.

All right, Cardinals fans. It’s up to us.

With no long term deal signed by Matt Holliday as a requirement of Friday’s trade from the Oakland A’s to St. Louis, apparently the onus is on our collective shoulders.

You see, Holliday will be an unrestricted free agent at the end of the season. So unless we – the greatest and most knowledgeable fans in the game of baseball – come through and win him over, heart and soul, we will have given away our last two number one draft picks (highly-touted third baseman Brett Wallace and pitcher Clayton Mortensen) and another minor leaguer, Shane Peterson, for nothing.

Giving away three prospects for nothing would bother most normal people. Not Tony La Russa, mind you, but most normal people it would. Especially when we just gave away three prospects to Oakland for nothing a few years ago. You remember Mark Mulder don’t you?  

Good thing nobody we gave the A’s that time turned out to be any good. Ahem…Dan Haren.

Holliday won’t come cheap either. He turned down a 4-year, $72 million extension while a member of the Colorado Rockies last year. Plus his agent is Scott Boras, not exactly the poster boy for charity.

Management has all but admitted that part of their plan for resigning Holliday is to win him over with the “St. Louis baseball experience.” This is similar to what happened to players like Mark McGwire and Scott Rolen.

The idea is that we fans use our downhome Midwest charm and unwavering adoration to win Mr. Holliday over so that he’ll give us a “sweetheart deal” or “hometown discount” – whatever you want to call it – and stay with our beloved Cardinals for many seasons to come.

So, it’s with great pride that I present to you my can’t miss idea for keeping Matt Holliday. You ready?  

I’m proposing a curtain call after every at bat by Holliday for the rest of the season, starting with tomorrow night’s homestand against the division-leading Los Angeles Dodgers. Let’s show him that we love and adore him…even more than Tony already does!

Groundout to second…curtain call. Popup to third…curtain call. Intentional walk…you better believe that’s a curtain call.

In fact, while we’re at it, let’s go ahead and add anything Holliday does on the field to the littany of curtain calls we bestow upon him!

Catch a fly ball…curtain call. Hit the cutoff man…curtain call. Swinging the bat in the on deck circle…oh man, is that ever a curtain call!

Even for clapping during another teammate’s curtain call? Yep, that requires a second curtain call.

With every curtain call we give Holliday, I’m sure Scott Boras will be happy to knock one percent off the asking price of Holliday’s eventual free agent contract.

In fact, I’ve actually done the math, and as impossible as it sounds, if we St. Louis fans give Holliday a curtain call for everything he does for the rest of the season, we’ll still fall well short of our season record for curtain calls given set in 2005…by almost 50!

So come on Cardinal fans, put down those $9 beers, get on your feet, and let’s give Holliday a warm St. Louis-style curtain call after every thing he does for rest of the season!

After all, if we show him that we’ll do anything for him no matter what, he’s sure to respect us!

It was reported that one of the first questions asked of Cardinals general manager John Mozeliak during last Saturday’s press conference to announce the Mark DeRosa trade was essentially, “Okay, so we got DeRosa. What’s next?”

Which to those of us at Grubb Hub, begs the obvious question: Why can’t the St. Louis media grill Tony La Russa the way they do Mozeliak? Is it because Mozeliak has a generally nice disposition, and is at least tolerant of legitimate criticism?

This, of course, is in stark contrast to Ton E. La Russa: Super Genius, who grows as huffy as if he’d just had his third-favorite dog kicked the few times he’s actually questioned about his latest head-scratching move or lineup configuration.

Case in point: That same day, the Cardinals were leading the Minnesota Twins by the score of 5-3 in the bottom of the third inning - thanks once again to the super-human talents of Albert Pujols, who had homered his first two trips to the plate.

Relief pitcher Josh Kinney, who was batting in the eighth spot (*sigh*), came to the plate with the bases loaded and two outs.

Let’s toss aside the obvious point for the moment that if the pitcher wasn’t batting eighth (*sigh*), once again you would’ve had an actual hitter at the plate for this crucial at bat.

Even so, starting pitcher Todd Wellemeyer had already gone by the wayside. Kinney is not exactly a long reliever anyway, so wouldn’t it make sense at this point to go for the gusto, pinch hit for Kinney (.000 AVG, 0 HRs, 0 RBI) and try to extend that 5-3 lead? Remember it was only the third inning. To expect a two run lead to hold up for the next six innings is not exactly playing the percentages.

Nope, sorry folks. After three girlish swings, Kinney sat down, and the bases loaded threat was no more.

The Cardinals did go on to win the game by the same score (5-3) but that’s not the point. If you really thought the Cardinals bullpen would go the final 6-2/3 innings without giving up a run, you’re lying. Besides, Kinney was taken out the following inning anyway.

And with Wellemeyer leaving after only 2-1/3 innings, it was already a given that La Russa was going to use 532 pitchers to finish the game. So why not pinch hit with the bases loaded and two outs and try to break the game open? I guess La Russa figured Pujols would homer a couple more times anyway, so there was no need to try and score.

If the media can repeatedly grill Mozeliak and the front office about not trading away the entire farm system for 34 year-old, soon-to-be free agents, why can’t they ask La Russa one stinking question about a situation where batting the pitcher eighth had an obvious negative impact?

Remember the month of April, Cardinal fans, when your beloved birds were leading the league in nearly every offensive category? Do you remember where the pitcher batted for most of that month? That’s right, ninth.

Then the offense sputtered a little bit. In an effort to jump start things, La Russa went back to batting to the pitcher eighth (*sigh*) again.

Well, that obviously worked out well, didn’t it?

At what point can we all admit that this whole pitcher batting eighth thing is based more in the massive ego of a lunatic manager than any real strategy? At what point can we maybe try something else, namely, going back to batting the pitcher ninth, just like every other team in over 125 years of Major League Baseball history has done.

Regardless, I think it would also help immensely if La Russa just played the best lineup every night, instead of the idiotic game of musical chairs going on now.

Right now, that lineup is:

1. Schumaker 2B
2. Rasmus CF
3. Pujols 1B
4. Ludwick OF
5. DeRosa 3B
6. Ankiel/Duncan OF
7. Molina C
8. Ryan SS
9. THE FREAKING PITCHER

Of course, you could tweak the above order if you wanted. The real idea is to stop playing the .225 hitting, no power, no speed Joe Thurston, only play Duncan OR Ankiel – not both – and to play Rasmus and Ludwick EVERY NIGHT. Ludwick will turn it around (he’s still on pace for 20-25 HRs and 80-85 RBIs despite his struggles) and Rasmus will only get better the more he plays.

But dear Lord please, stop giving more at bats (30-40 over the course of normal season) to .150-hitting pitchers (or worse) by batting them eighth. It’s not a huge difference maker either way, but it’s just stupid. Memo to Tony: You’re not smarter than 125 years of Major League Baseball. I don’t care what George Will says.

Do these things, and the Cardinal offense will improve. So will the defense. I promise.

Will it happen? It’s highly doubtful. That would put more of the limelight on the guys that actually play the game, and take it away from the Mad Mixer, Tony La Russa. And we surely can’t have that, can we? What’s the fun of winning if you can’t get your massive ego stroked?

The staff of Grubb Hub enjoyed its yearly company baseball outing at Busch Stadium 3-D last Wednesday night from one of the many posh luxury boxes available at the new stadium. And by staff I mean myself, and by posh luxury box I mean free right field bleacher tickets.

Anyhow, we noticed a peculiar set of stratagems employed by St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony La Russa during the bottom half of the sixth inning of Wednesday’s 4-3 triumph over the Detroit Tigers which we found quite perplexing to say the least.

Yadier Molina singled to lead off the inning on a sharp ground ball that pitcher Edwin Jackson deflected to third baseman Brandon Inge. As the Tigers are oft to do while in the Gateway City, Inge promptly chucked the ball into the stands, allowing Molina to advance to second.

So with Molina in scoring position and nobody out, third baseman Joe Thurston stepped to the plate. Now, mind you third base is typically a run-producing position. Ah, but Joe Thurston (.234, 1 HR, 18 RBI) is not your average third baseman. In fact, he is very much below average.

But far be it from me to suggest that we ever give anyone else a shot at third on a regular basis. Some options include Tyler Greene, Kahlil Greene, Brian Barden, or Brett Wallace. Sure, nobody on that list is exactly tearing it up right now. David Freese and Joe Mather also would have been options if they were healthy. But how difficult could it be to beat .234 with 1 home run? Brian Barden actually has that beat (.238, 4 HR’s) in considerably less at bats but was sent down to Memphis for some inexplicable reason. Yes, clearly Joe Thurston has won the left handed platoon third base job, which means he’ll be starting 75% of the time from now until eternity.

But I digress. With the pitcher, who is batting eighth (*sigh*) on deck, Molina at second, and nobody out, Thurston lays down a bunt; which is stupid enough in its own right with the pitcher, who is batting eighth (*sigh*) on deck. But Thurston went one step further, bunted the ball too hard and Molina was tagged out at third.

Regardless, the move begs the question: Why would La Russa have Thurston attempting to bunt Molina to third with relief pitcher Jason Motte, who is batting eighth (*sigh*) and his whopping one at bat for the season on deck?

Well, surely in the sixth inning of a tight, low scoring game he’s planning on pinch hitting for Motte, right? I mean, he wasn’t planning on relying on Motte to drive in that important run…right?

Even with the failed sacrifice attempt, the Cardinals still had the fairly speedy Thurston at first base, and only one out. Baserunners had been at a premium at this point, Motte had already pitched two-thirds of the previous inning, and you’ve got your entire bench at your disposal. You were already prepared to pinch hit for Motte, so why not do it anyway and try to get Thurston around the bases for an insurance run and extend your lead to 4-2?

Nope. Motte bats for himself, and strikes out trying to bunt Thurston to second. The inning ends when Thurston finally tries to steal second and is thrown out.

Now, since La Russa didn’t pinch hit for Motte in the bottom of the sixth, surely his thinking was that since Thurston had failed to move Molina to third with one out, why not just let Motte bat for himself and go ahead and start the next inning and save yourself from having to bring in another reliever.

Wrong again, buckaroos. In the top of the 7th, Tigers manager and Friend of Tony, Jim Leyland, sent left handed hitting Josh Anderson to pinch hit for his pitcher, who was batting ninth by the way (yea!)

Funny how an American League team can figure out how this whole pitcher batting for himself thing is supposed to work, but the Cardinals manager cannot.

Anyhow, with Anderson batting .254 with no home runs, clearly this called for the removal of Motte, who would never have been able to retire such a prodigious left-handed slugger, so in comes baseball’s pitcher that most resembles a tree stump, Dennys Reyes.

So let’s recap, shall we?

1. 6th inning, Molina at second, nobody out.
2. With pitcher on deck because he’s batting eighth (*sigh*), a bunt attempt is made to move the runner from second to third. Bunt fails anyway.
3. Said relief pitcher with one at bat on the season is allowed to hit for himself, even though entire bench has been unused with two thirds of the game now over.
4. Relief pitcher, now with two at bats on the season, is immediately removed the following inning.

Does any of this make any sense? I know this might sound like nitpicking, but this isn’t the first time this sort of thing has happened. In fact, if I had a nickel for every time it’s happened, well, I’d be slightly richer.

Nonetheless, it makes no sense to bunt with the pitcher on deck – because he’s batting eighth (*sigh*) – then leave the pitcher in to hit, then remove pitcher immediately the next inning.

I know La Russa’s argument will be that he’s saving his “good” bench hitters for later in the game or possibly extra innings, kind of like his reasoning for not playing Albert Pujols in the 2007 All Star Game. As in that case, it seems silly to save players for a future rally or extra innings that may never happen.

But as usual, we’ll never know why he did what he did, because none of the St. Louis media would dare ask him what he was thinking with any of these moves, let alone actually second guess him. They wouldn’t want to upset the delicate genius. He might storm off in a huff and never talk to the reporter that questioned him again.

Like the shooting star that shines so bright and soars so high, but fades away into the abyss just as quickly as it appeared, so too was the mustache of St. Louis Cardinals outfielder Rick Ankiel.

Recently, Ankiel sat down with the American Mustache Institute and for the first time opened up about his short-lived ’stache. Where did it come from? What was its mission? And why did it have to leave us so soon?